Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Stilled love

Pace, pace, pace.
Get on the floor. Wrestle kids.
Sit in the rocking chair. Stare out the window.

Pace, pace, pace.
Wrestle kids.
Try a crossword puzzle.

Pace, pace, pace.

Bored out of my skull.

My husband remarked that he was pretty sure that was the first ever time in seven years he could ever remember me complaining of boredom.

I had shot my first --- and only --- wedding Saturday as a favor for a friend. On the way home the request was put before me.

"Please don't start editing this weekend. In fact, please don't even look at the pictures. I don't want me and the kids to lose you in photography no-man's land. . . "

I promised I would stay away. For their sake.

Aimless and bored.
Not done well with this mind and body.

Pace, pace, pace.
Sit in rocking chair.

Be still.


Isn't that the plan sometimes? To be still?
His plan, not mine.
For a Sabbath to be that. A Sabbath.
Day of rest.


There is love in stillness. Love is missed in to-do's and hurried schedules.
Love is in a rocking chair, lap free for children to climb up in and snuggle on at random moments.
Love is laying on the floor, letting them pounce.
Love is being all there, not split between some task and a distracted playtime.

Love is in being quiet. In the chair.
Listening for His still, small voice. The louder the silence the clearer His whisper. 

Evening drew near. Thoughts were settling. Emotions were renewing.
My children's faces were studied more than usual. I again noticed the dimple on my son's forehead when he laughs and realized that my daughter's hair has ten different shades to it.

And I sensed His quietness over my often-restless, demanding heart.


I did nothing of tasks.
I simply did love.

Stilled love.

Boredom becomes necessary sometimes. 

In it's first hours it is stifling. Frustrating. Time drags.
But then, time begins to stand still with moments. Moments usually passing neglected, fully missed.

Boredom turns to renewal as the hours pass and the mind gradually begins to realize how needed nothing was. Nothing but love and relationship that is.

In stillness the heart is discovered. Not what we do but who we are. Time is there for reflection and pondering. Sifting through that which we cling to for significance and purpose and that which He desires to replace with instead.

For it is in being that we are, not in doing.
Being in Him.
Being in Love.

Boredom strips away and reveals what is.

Boredom becomes being. We don't find the being without the stillness and being is the foundation for all that we do.

Sometimes, life demands boredom, for in boredom is the discovery of stilled love.

And the greatest of these is love.


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While this is stated on the blog purpose page, it is also an important enough disclaimer for me to feel a need to place on this front page for first-time visitors.
I am a stay-at-home-wife and mother, busy with home educating my children, doing daycare, and preparing our church-turned-home to embrace special needs and terminally ill children in need of a forever family.
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