Friday, November 30, 2012


It's one of the most beautiful Psalms in the Bible.

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. 
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. 
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. 
You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

There are details to us, that no one can understand. In fact, that many do not even know of. The nuances that make us, us. Why we act the way we do. The wounds from our past, the specific bent we were created to live with, the purpose for our particular story in the Great Storyline. 

Our spouses, the love of our life, who knows us more intimately than anyone else, has not yet discovered all there is to us. It would take a lifetime and beyond a lifetime to do this. 

How can they, when we are unaware ourselves?

We become aware of the unawareness when we cry and state such things as, "I don't even know whey I'm crying!"
"I just don't get why that particular person pushes my buttons so very much!"
"I can't explain where this fear comes from."
"I don't know why that tugs at my heart with beauty when no one else seems to notice. . . but it just. does."

When we don't know, He does. 

Our Creator. The one Who purposefully planned our lives out and ordained us into existence. 

This is a hard truth to grasp for many of us. Those of us who have spent lifetimes imploding with self-hate cannot comprehend just how purposeful we are.  How perfectly planned out our lives have been. How specifically we were called into being. 

But we were. Every part of us. Our history, our shaping circumstances, who we are in the core of our being. It was all written in His Book of Love, in the grand eternity before our lives. Written and then waiting for the perfect moment to fashion us and bring us forth into this part of The Story. 

Some of our details, they aren't so pretty. 

They need surgery. Surgery that cuts and tears and severs and at the end, we have to come to grips with the different heart we have because of it. Some walk away from the surgery with a heart of anger and a shaking fist for having been in the Surgeon's hands, not understanding what beauty was meant from the pain if they would but yield.

Others come away, a bit more broken, a bit more gentle, a bit more of Love Himself. For they surrendered to the knife, ceasing the struggle, and looked into the face of the One who wept with love as He excised and cut away. His tears held the pained hope and promise of what was to come as a result of the yielded surrender to His work. 

In the work, our weakness are turned into strengths and our strengths becomes reflectors of His glory and love. Our faces shine even when our voices remain quiet, for we have gazed upon Him in our most painful moments, utter trust despite the confusion of His doing. 

This light, the world desires as they stumble about in darkness, looking for reason and meaning in chaos. 

The details of us are not for our pleasure but for His glory. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, not for our own joy but because this is what brings Him delight. When we delight in His delight, we find joy beyond measure. The details both grasped and those yet hidden from us, form a testament to a God of purpose and deliberate work.

Beautiful. Detailed. 
Exactly as He planned before time.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. 
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. 
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!


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I am a stay-at-home-wife and mother, busy with home educating my children, doing daycare, and preparing our church-turned-home to embrace special needs and terminally ill children in need of a forever family.
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