This post does not come from any current situation in my life nor any particular person.
It simply comes from some ponderings as I watch relationships among women,
as well as reflect back on some of my own past struggles with hurts and insecurity within female friendships.
From my heart to yours. <3>3>
I have a problem with you and you have a problem with me.
You're quiet today. I'm sure you're mad at me.
I was up much of the night with my child and in zombie mode. You're sure I don't like you anymore.
Someone hurt me. Now I'm projecting the same actions onto you. I've made you a partner of their opinion.
You heard about gossip about yourself. There is no one to trust and you're certain that I'm part of that gossip.
I wasn't invited to your kids' birthday party. I feel ostracized and hurt when I hear about all who attended but our family wasn't a part. I wonder what in the world the problem is that we weren't welcome but "everyone else" was.
I don't attend the monthly girl's night out because of life demands and personal circumstances that prevent. You feel I'm stuck up and think I'm too good to hang out with everyone--and that includes you personally.
You honestly hurt me with your words to my face. It came from out of the blue and it cut deep, surprising me in it's intensity.
I hurt you with a sarcastic remark to something you said and a high and mighty disagreement to an opinion you expressed. My words left a gaping wound.
tells lies to me that
you really, honestly don't like me.
Your insecurity tells you the same thing.
There are things you do that I do not agree with. At all. And that is the only light I see you in.
Vice versa. You judge me and my lifestyle and actions and can only see the negative, none of the good.
This is all poison and it is everything that we ruminate on and dwell on in our minds.
We forget that we have an enemy seeking to devour, not only individuals but relationships. If he can divide, he can conquer. If he can isolate, he can destroy. We're easy targets. Wounded, insecure hearts walking around. We basically hand him any potential unity and love for him to destroy by holding on to that which comes between hearts.
He not only accuses us to ourselves, he accuses us to each other. Working off of the weak, fragile flesh that is already insecure and wounded, he exaggerates into epic proportions until we are all looking at each other with dislike and distrust. All too eager to help us play the negativity reel to our mind, he delights in the broken relationships and isolated hearts that result.
This is more than women hurting women.
This is spiritual and it's a battle. A battle we need to consciously fight and refuse to concede too.
I will not let my insecurity rule and I will take every accusation the enemy brings my way about you, to the obedience to Christ.
If you hurt me with words or gossip or rejection I refuse to let that define you and us. My definition of you is child of God, made in His image, and my definition of "us" is daughters of the Highest, all heirs of the kingdom.
I will remember it's not about me. It's about God and His glory. When I'm with you, when word about me gets back to you, what I want is for you to want more of God, long for Him, long for more holiness and purity because you were with me and you know me.
I will remember it's about love. Not approval or being well thought of but loving you as much I love myself.
I will remember it's about wanting your best. Not about being right, not about proving my point, not about you liking me, but wanting what is God's best for your life.
I will remember there is an enemy who delights when we are at odds with each other. Who has glee when we are each isolated in our hearts and minds, throwing up protective walls around our raw hearts, even as we relate on a surface level. I will remember that if he can bring us down relationally he can weaken our witness and eliminate our impact.
I will remember to pray for us all. To plead for our unity, our friendships, our sisterhoods, our hearts that the evil one is seeking to destroy and devour.
I will remember we are sisters. We are family.
I refuse to give in to this war of hurt and rejection, wounding and isolation. Then he wins and we all lose. And God's glory is tainted. Because what could be a powerful force of unified encouragement and prayer is now fragmented relationships with pieces of heart underfoot. So consumed by the hurt we don't reach out. So taken up with the accusations we can't focus on what matters. So bent on self protection we have no clue how to love.
If the hurt feelings and assumptions and anger and obsession with "she said" and "she did" and insecurity and self protection and even fear, was turned instead into prayer for each other. . . if we didn't turn inward to our own emotions but outward and upward for the hearts of each other. . . if we prayed for God's best for the hearts surrounding ours and their freedom and healing and blossoming into all they are meant to be. . . Oh, what power we could release among us! The power of love and healing and sisterhood. The power of heaven's glory here on earth for it would be released in love that releases and pours out no matter what comes.
Love is a choice.
It is a choice beyond truly caused hurt, it is a choice beyond projected and assumed hurt. It is a choice beyond rejection, it is a choice beyond whispered accusations in our mind.
When love is not chosen, division and turmoil is. You can't be neutral in matters of relationship. You either are, or you aren't. It's self-protection or it's enveloping others. It's hurt or it's forgiveness. It's distrust or letting God protect us from any potential hurt.
And there is the importance. That when you do fail me and when you do hurt me and when you do reject me, God has me. He's got my heart. So I can choose love. I can choose vulnerability. I can let you into my heart because He's guarding it. Even when you fail me, He doesn't. When you reject, he accepts. When you wound, He heals.
And this goes both ways. Because I don't want to, but somewhere along the way, I will inevitably do the same to you. It breaks me but I acknowledge it. Because sometimes I'm grumpy and sometimes I speak without thinking and sometimes I act out of my own self-interest and sometimes I portray, without giving thought for how it will come across.
Our hearts belong to Him, not ourselves, and this is our freedom to give them away, let each other in, pour out our love even when the potential is returned hurt. This is love. Choosing when we'd rather hide.
That problem I have with you? It's His problem now. I refuse to hold it, to carry it, to keep thinking about it. My heart is His and so is yours and this is what His broke for.