Friday, October 12, 2012

Reflections of the Waiting

Shiloh. 


Where is our standing?


It's exactly that.

Standing. Still.

The current project needing to be done is a chimney for heating. Not a small issue, seeing it's October and that could mean white stuff in our state. Bedrooms are unfinished and there is no way we'd pass a home study yet.

So, we're at a standstill. 


Or so it often seems.

I suppose we are ever climbing higher to our purpose, even as the days spin by us.





Days filled with every day life. Like school and tears over reading and excitement over learning how snow forms. And two year molars all breaking through--all of them---at 20 months. And hikes and tantrums and library trips and groceries and hum-drum days and exploration and play.




The last fading flowers of the fall remind me that the seasons are passing, even as I feel I am standing still, not gaining ground towards our heart children. Separated from them, though they remain close to my heart. Missing them even before I know them. Yearning to love them, wondering what they may be living with and what love they are missing, even as my son and daughter squeal and laugh with the security of our home.

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; 
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way."
        ~ Psalm 37:7

Pregnancies galore surround me. I remember spring's loss.

Adoptions are going through and bedrooms are being filled in homes. As I wait. And wait. And long.

It could be so easy to fret and envy those who have the pieces falling into place. So consumed in what they are getting, I miss what I have.

"My cup overflows. . ."





The wild and free rose bush in our untamed, yet to be landscaped front wilderness yard, spoke, "He's still involved. He still has a plan. It's not done. It's simply in the waiting still." 


Roses are our thing, my Redeemer and I. He gave them so very long ago to me, when someone showed up at my door one day with the words, "God told me you needed these. . . ?" and there, was the rose in the color I loved, on one of the most broken days of my life. She never knew, except His voice whispered and she obeyed.

They have appeared throughout my life in the years since. An unexpected delivery from another sister obeying the prompt. A wild rose in the middle of a hike with Him. One handed over one day in the store because it was "old" and new had come in. And now, on Shiloh's lawn.

A promise on the promise.


No buds. No blossoms. It is not yet time.

But it will be.

When the time is right.

After the waiting.

It's a dim reflection today. I look into the window of promise and if I look far enough through, can see the reflection of the fulfillment. Yet it's still too far away to be grasped.

But it's there.

Waiting. 




NOTE: Scripture came from Holly's most recent Perfect Joy Bible study that we did at our in-person study this past week at our church.
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