You Say it Best, When You Say Nothin' at All

“Then God came to Laban the Arameamn in a dream at night and said to him, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, neither good or bad.” Genesis 31:24

Sometimes, the very best thing you can do is stay silent.

This is difficult for peace lovers, for we typically go one of two ways instead.

 Or at least I do.

One way I flow, is to say as many nice and positive and peaceful, and even loving, things as I know to say in a tense situation.

Unfortunately, this has been interpreted as:

Hypocritical

Manipulative

Blowing sunshine up you-know-where

Avoiding the issue at hand

Not being real and honest

Trying to look like I’m better than the person I’m wrestling with

Being sarcastic

This has left me frustrated and at my wit's end. While my intentions have been to forgive, love, and move on, it has been labeled as other weapons instead.

So then I’ll flow the opposite direction. I’ll get defensive. Explain myself. Attempt to validate why I said what I did and my heart behind it. This is then seen for what it is. . . defensive, argumentative, not able to let it go and move on.

Isaiah says

“In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.” (30:15)

And Proverbs has plenty to say on this matter as well.

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Proverbs 10: 18

“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23

“A man of understanding holds his peace.” Proverbs 11:12

“Wisdom rests quietly in the heart of him who has understanding but what is in the heart of fools is made known.” Proverbs 15:33

“He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace: when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.”  Proverbs 17:27-28

Proverbs, I think takes it even one step further. You can see the progression in wisdom in such verses as:

“The mouth of the righteous is a well of life. . . “ Proverbs 10:11a

“Wisdom is found on the lips of him who has understanding.” Proverbs 10:19a

“The tongue of the wise is choice silver. . . “ Proverbs 10:20a

“The heart of the righteous studies how to answer.” Proberbs 15:28a

As of late, some of the most innocently meant things I have said, have been so taken out of context and worse, relayed to other people so distorted, that I have found myself confronted by hurt people when I honestly don’t even know why they are confronting me! When they finally explain it I’m flabbergasted. How it was perceived or how it was passed on to them was not at all how I meant it.

I told Handsome one night, "I’m done! I’m done talking in social situations. Even when I say something with the right heart intent it’s misconstrued. Life was better when I was so introverted I never talked!"

Gotta love my all or nothing fallback.

In the end, I’m not proposing I quit talking—though I find the idea quite attractive to be honest. But I do find that the Bible has some great guidelines I can keep in mind when I do speak, especially when coupled with Isaiah 30:15.

Listening more than talking will help keep us out of trouble. Minimal words is best.

What’s in our hearts will proceed from our mouth so be careful what you keep in your heart.

“Keep your heart with all diligence for out of spring the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

“ But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart. . . “ Matthew 15:18

Spending time with God will give us words to speak. His words, not our words coming from off the top of our head skewed by our own opinions and frame of reference. (John 15)

When we do speak, they should be words worth hearing. Apt. Appropriate. Edifying.

“A word spoken in due season, how good it is!” Proverbs 15:23b

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”  Colossians 4:6

We can’t avoid speaking, for that is how relationships are sustained. However, speech needs to be carefully weighed and measured before proceeding out of our mouths.

And sometimes, speech is best left entirely alone and silence is the best chosen course of action.

Simple silence.