Restlesly occupied.
We continue to wait for our revised blue prints to reach our hands. While we wait, Shiloh renovations remain on hold. And until they can be completed, our children cannot come home.
I fall asleep dreaming of them at night. Longing for them. Wondering where they are.
When I dress Miraclegirl and Bubbles each morning I feel as if someone is missing. As if I need to look around for another child. . . or three. . . or six. . . because surely, not everyone is dressed yet. The same goes for our meal times. "Really!? There are only four plates to put on the table? It seems there should be so many more. . . "
Waiting pulls the soul taut with frustration and impatience. There are pieces to our family puzzle that must come to us but they can't come until the perfectly ordained time passes.
Until they are put into place it feels incomplete.
The part of the picture that is put together currently however, is full and vivid. Vivid with laughter and purpose.
Purpose of playing hard, soaking in nature when weather permits, and loving deeply.
Purpose of learning how to eat the whole foods way. This takes time to learn. Time to learn how to make my money count at the store. Time to learn how to maximize the food I buy. . . like making muffins from juicing pulp.
Waiting does not mean boring. It simply means restless busyness.
Waiting is full of library trips and reading sessions and home school planning and mentoring and visits with friends and reading on nutrition and the role it plays in health and always, always growing in Christ.
In fact, the only acceleration happening right now is the roots my heart has in Christ. The waiting does that to me. Makes the roots push deep and grab hold tightly.
He is the end of this waiting. His children. His timing.
He is the middle of the waiting. With the gifts I have today. Handsome, Miraclegirl, Bubbles. Our beautiful outdoors surrounding Shiloh. Blessings of friendship. Quiet moments. Words spoken to my heart in the restless night hours. Laughter and love within our home.
Laughter and love that waits to be shared. That is anxious to spill over to hurting, frightened, fragile children.
Sometimes I think we must become so full of this laughter and love so that when they come to us--those who belong with us---we will have such an abundance to add them in to our family we will not even think twice about making them a part of us.
We are pregnant with waiting.
Miraclegirl sees things in the store.
"Mama, can we buy this for my brother and sisters God is bringing?"
"Not today Baby, but we will. We will!"
"When Mama? When will they get here?"
"When God says it's time Babygirl."
"I wish it was time today!!!"
Oh, me too Miraclegirl, me too. But He wants us to keep waiting. To become so pregnant with the waiting that when it's time to bring forth the children, the labor will be as nothing because of their sweet faces we behold and bodies we wrap our arms around.
Until that day of beauty, I restlessly keep myself occupied.
