Say What's on Your Mind

Saw this on a friend's status on Facebook. . .

This is a quote from a blog I follow. Her husband just ran a half marathon.

"Ya know, every mile there are those people with water and they are so encouraging and they yell, "You can do it!" and all that kind of thing . . . what if the christian walk was like that? What if christians were like that to each other instead of putting each other down, or pointing fingers, judging each other? Wouldn't it be amazing if in our christian walk we were cheering each other on like that." 

        (I eventually found that the original source to this quote comes from Resolved to Worship)

Of course it led me to the mulling-things-over-track in my mind. For you see, I've been burdened more and more about the negative, critical, mean gossip that flows from people's mouths. Especially us women.

(I am including myself as an offender.)

Why in the world is it so easy for us to get together and chat about others in a negative light but not praise each other up behind each other's backs!?

It occurred to me that it all starts in our minds. With what we think. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced. Gossip starts in our thought life.

This was cemented when 12 hours later I saw this Facebook status:

"Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any time." ~ The Daily Bread

Which then brought to mind the verse Matthew 15:18:

those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart. . .  

 When I think of someone in a judgemental way, the words that will first and foremost flow from my mouth when speaking of them, will be judgemental words. 

If I dwell on someones faults, guess what I'm going to automatically mention in a conversation?

If I linger on the ways a person annoys me, guess what is going to spew out of my mouth when I'm running it unchecked?

If I harbor hurt, guess what I'll be only too eager to share in a ping-pong conversation about that person?

My tendency is to hash and re-hash these things. . . the hurts. . . the personality clashes. . . the annoyances. . .  the faults and weakness. . . the way people do things when it's not done "my" way.

 (Good gracious, that sounds aweful once I put it into writing. . . ! *red-face cringe*)

It's our sinful human nature to dwell on the negative more than the positive, but natural tendency or not, it's wrong. It's wrong and it's our downfall when our mouths have an opportunity to open and speak words. Because it is that negativity that is going to come forth.

We can guard our mouths and check our words without changing our thoughts. Negative thoughts can still be a large part of our thinking but we may find the self-control to not speak them when the opportunity presents itself.  But I have to stop and ask myself, "Is simply not speaking badly about someone enough?"

I go back to the first quote I shared for my answer. No, it's not enough to just not say negative things.

We have to take it further. Put off the negative, judgemental speech and replace it with positive, encouraging speech. And not only to each others faces, but behind each other's backs.

What if the words we spoke--the positive words we spoke--got back to the person much like gossip does? What power there would be in that passed on information! Can you imagine someone coming to you and saying, "A bunch of us were talking about you the other day. We all agreed that you are (insert the highest compliment you can think of)." Wouldn't that do wonders for your heart!? It sure would mine!

I can't just stop my words. That isn't enough. I need to change my thoughts, which will lead to changed speech.

The person who's personality difference grates on me?  They have some awesome strengths in that personality if I would just but focus on them.

The one who hurts me with their judgement of me? They have positive qualities and I can find at least one of them if I look deep enough. Once it's found, it's my job to hold on to it and focus on it every time they come to mind.

And those I don't have clashes with? I need to go further than the fact that I get along with them. I need to pray for them. Ask God for His eyes and vision of that individual. Dwell on what He shows me. Their gifts and their beauty. I need to dwell on those things so much that when their name comes up in conversation, it's a matter of fact to speak of those things.

Even more, I need to think about how I want people to grow in Christ. How I want them to succeed in all they do. I should think that until it becomes as much a desire for them as it is for myself. When it becomes that, I will then speak it without even thinking when I see them. Speak the encouragement for them to keep going in the hard times. Tell them the greatness I see in them. Thank them for how they inspire me with their life. Cheer them on in the journey. Like the marathon runner mentioned above.

Tell your husband you can see incredible growth in his life.

Tell your parents and/or in-laws how much you love their relationship with your children and their positive, loving influence on them is greatly appreciated.

Tell your Sunday School teacher that their teaching really helps you grow and to keep on keeping on.

Tell your friend that you're proud of the wife and mother they are and what their friendship means.

Tell another friend that you can see Jesus in them and it makes you want to be a better person.

Tell your children that you can see how hard they are trying to do the right thing every day.

Tell the Bible study peer that their sharing really encourages you and you can see God working in their life.

Tell that Mama she's doing an awesome job raising her children.

The list goes on and on.

It can also go on behind people's backs--and should go on behind other people's backs rather than what normally goes on.

Praising up your man to your girlfriends. . . speaking highly of your inlaws to others. . . mentioning your sunday school teacher to your pastor or someone else and the impact they have on your life. . . brag on how awesome your friend is as a wife and mother. . . mention in a conversation about God how so and so really helps you want more of God because of their life. . . brag on your kids to anyone and everyone. . . mention the Bible study peer in a social setting and how they really touch your heart. . . telling people how much you enjoy seeing that woman mother her children.

Cheerleaders. That's should be our daily, constant role with each other in this difficult marathon of life. Helping each other run the race, picking each other up when we stumble, telling each other to keep going when we want to give up, and rejoicing with every mile marker that is passed.

This cheerleading habit will begin with our thought life.

Positive thoughts of people = positive speech about people.

Remember, what we have in our heart (thoughts) will inevitably flow out of our mouth.

When what you have in your mind is of a positive nature, instead of a condemning, negative nature, then by all means, say what's on your mind.