Why?
Why is this such a struggle?
I struggle too.
I miss my career. Impacting lives. Being "someone".
And there it is.
We're living our heart desire but we no longer feel like "Someone".
Instead, we've become snot wipers, diaper changes, meal fixers, damage controllers, puke catchers, and stained clothes models.
Every one of us longs for significance and impact. We long to be someone and we long to do something worth doing. And let's face it. . . wiping poopy butts and picking up toys for the upteenth time don't seem to fulfill those desires.
at. all.
I find it a relief that my discontent doesn't stem from a lack of love for my family. It simply comes from my desire to do something worth doing. To be known.
What does knowing this do for me? What does it do for you? Where do we go from here?
I could tell myself and tell you,
"Find your purpose. Find what makes your heart sing. Find yourself."
But ultimately, that's not the answer.
The answer lies in casting our desire to be known and to do something of significance at the feet of Jesus. Spill it out to Him.
Pour it out.
He is the one who created you with the longing to be Someone who does Something worth doing, so He is the best Person we can dump this on.
Pour it out and then let Him speak to your care-worn soul about it.
I have no clue what He'll say to you. What He tells you will be different than what He tells me. Your "Someone" will be world's away from the "Someone" I was created to be. So will your "Something Significant." But whatever the different stories are, that longing deep within us. . . it's there for a reason. He put it there. And only He can show us what to do with it.
It's not up to us to figure out what to do with it. That is where we hit dead-ends. Too often we try to figure out how to be Someone. We create that person ourselves. And still, we walk away empty as a result.
Because it's not the Someone He made us to be.
We search for significance in a variety of ways, many of them well and good. But the significance we were created to do will be the only significance that leaves us fulfilled.
And the absolute wonder will be, that it will often be worlds away from what we once thought it was.
For me, during a period in time with my career and many speaking opportunities, I thought my significance was going to be in traveling and speaking. It certainly seemed to be heading that way and I certainly was trying to make that happen. Then, my path took a drastic turn. And here I am now, finding that my most significant role is going to be in the hidden valley of my home with children that may not even grow up to be world-impacting adults, but instead, may always be children in mind, if not in body.
And I'm peacefully content.
Yes, I do struggle with wanting to be Someone who does something Significant. . . but I struggle with that when I am viewing it through my human eyes of what others consider important. That is when the discontent and self-pity and disappointment creep in. The lie, "I could have been Someone if I had kept up with my career. . . " tries to creep in.
Then I cast myself at the foot of the cross and grab hold of His garment and my heart is soothed, seeing my life through His eyes. In His eyes, I am Someone worth dying for. In His eyes, I am doing the Significant thing He called me to---mostly hidden from the world, in my home, on this mountain which is really, more like a hidden valley that few will enter with me, if any at all.
In this Hidden Valley this is the Someone I was created to be and this is my Significant Something.
Who is the Someone you were created to be and what is your Significant Something? It is a question that only God knows the answer to. Are you willing to know the answer and embrace it?
