We had a traumatic morning yesterday. Miraclegirl had to get a vaccination (finish her DTap series) and had to get her 2 year state-mandated blood draw. Not fun!
Lucky for her, I refused her flu shot, h1n1, MMR, and chickenpox or it would have been even more traumatic! (And may I insert--as I was signing the waiver that I was refusing I thought, once again. . . "That is just so much to put in a small body in one day's time!")
She cried much of the way home and all through until naptime. And I had the daycare kids too. Thankfully my husband took the morning off to help that all take place or it would have been a nightmare!
We had an 11:00 a.m. lunch and then, they were all zonked out on the couch and love seat by noon.
Despite the rough morning, it was yet another enjoyable day of mothering for me. My favorite part of the day was when they woke up from their naps and we all snuggled. Granted, the two girls fighting each other for exclusive rights to my shoulder made it a big difficult, but we finally got settled in and for 45 minutes I listened to toddler voices tell me unintelligable stories and laugh as they tried to tickle me.
Later, the daycare kids went home and I had an exceptionally fun evening with my daughter. We were both laughing hysterically at things that really weren't funny--but she thought they were and her laughter was triggering mine. Then, we snuggled and read books together with blankets heaped on us. After that, she told me, "Mama, I go to bed. You come. You snuggle." So I folded my long frame into her toddler bed and we laid there and quietly chatted. She told me about her owies of the day, that she colored, that she did the potty (three times, might I add), that Daddy was "at ork adain. . . *sigh*", and that we were snuggling.
As I left her room, my exact thoughts were, "I just had the greatest time with her tonight!"
Parenting to me, is so thrilling! Not a day passes and I'm not in awe at how much my daughter is growing up. Or I'm fascinated by something the daycare kids figured out. Or I get those love thrills from arms passionately thrown around my legs and a face looking up at me with adoration.
Therefore, I can not, for the life of me, relate at all to moms who resent their children. Moms, who I have heard first-hand say things like,
"Go away. You are bothering me."
"Get out of my face. You don't need to be with me every second!"
"You are a BRAT!"
"Oh, I should have never had children!" (this said in the kids' hearing)
"Go! Go! GO! You are annoying me! This is NOT the time for this!" (this said while the hand was swatting them away. The child was simply trying to crawl into their mother's lap while she chatted with friends)
"I can NOT wait until these children are grown and out of the house! These are horrible years!"
I just can't get this. I can't get, not being in awe at how cute your child is or how much fun they are and I certainly can not grasp not taking every opportunity to cuddle. I'm not a phsyical-touch person but even I smother my daughter and the daycare kids in kisses and cuddle sessions.
Yes, it's exhausting and some days, I even cry because I am so weary of saying the same thing for the millionth time. But to resent, to be mean, to regret having children. It's just so sad. So, so, so sad.
Sometimes I feel anger, as a woman who has infertility, to not resent these mothers when they are around me and do I can to not give them a piece of my mind. Some days I get so angry I can do nothing but cry angry tears when I leave their presence. It seems so unfair they continue to have children they resent, but I, who love being a mother, struggles to have children.
But then, I switch from anger to pity. Pity that they are missing out on such beauty to have the mentality they have.
I attempt to pray for them and their children, though my heart rages against them. I pray that they begin to enjoy this thing called motherhood. That they can stop and listen and hear those giggles. That they capture grinning faces in their memories and that their heart stops with delight when their child stops what they are doing just to come be with them. That they discover that getting on the floor and laughing hysterically is better than a spa treatment. That they take the time to go sit by their child's bed at night and just stare in awe at the beauty of the gift they have been given.
I pray that they come into an awareness of what a tender, beautiful, delightful gift this thing called motherhood is. That instead of waking up, dreading another day with the kids, they instead see it as a day packed with love and laughter, discovery and delight. That their children's beauty and innocence draws out their beauty and innocence--which will allow them to fully enjoy the gifts they have been given in their children.
